My heart is such a mixture of emotions. Shock at the fact that the money came in, that I'm going to England. Sadness at the fact that I'm starting to say goodbye to people I won't see again for 10 months. Excitement at the adventure that awaits me ten days from now. But the worst is the confusion. How does one who has tried to hide her existence, believing that she had no significance or worth, deal with the realization that so many people love her? My church loves me. People love me enough to give me $4,000 towards England. People love me enough to become extatic with joy at the news that I had been given that much. God loves me enough to have all this happen. I don't know what to do with all this. People love me? People notice me? It's what I've longed for, yet never hoped it could be true. There's something, I guess, in the back of everyone's mind that wonders if they would be missed by anyone if they left. Will anyone notice my absence? Has anyone even noticed my presence? How am I to be blessed as one who can say that I am loved enough to be missed by so many people?