I feel strong in a way that can only be God. It has to be, because I know that when I'm not tapping into His strength I feel like freaking out. But there are moments that are turning into minutes when I can force myself to give over the worry and fear and anxiety to Jesus, and I feel as strong as... an oak tree. Don't know why exactly that analogy fits. I feel strong to the core of my being in the moments He's strong in me. I can stand tall and not fear. There's a song that's out by Kutless that goes: "You are my strong tower/ Shelter over me/ Beautiful and mighty/ Everlasting King/ You are my strong tower/ Fortress when I'm weak/ Your name is true and holy/ And Your face is all I seek." Although I would rather say "and Your heart is all I seek", cause that's what He longs to make known to His beloved. Most people can be strong physically and yet are weak in the deepest parts of their beings. I'm that way a lot. Put on a strong face(almost literally sometimes when I feel like crying in public, keep a stiff upper lip, ya know), don't let anyone know that you're a crumpled up mess, like I was last night. I haven't cried that hard in such a long time (or maybe it just sounded hard because it was echoing through the empty kitchen and living room of the empty house I'm staying in). Such a soul-wrenching cry, and one of the few times I actually wanted someone there to see my mess. But I can't think about what made me cry right now; that's a completely different issue to fight, and I do not have time to fight off the arrows coming from the annoying demons that plauge me. I'm in a crucial battle between the wills in my soul. The natural me wants to freak out and panic and drop the whole thing. But then my heart fights back to surrender it all to my Abba, and I know a strength that is not my own but feels so peaceful and secure. I think I'm winning. The outcome will be decided Sunday. I'm sure there will still be little skirmishes after Sunday, and aftermath clean up. I'm not even sure what the outcome will look like, and after this week I know not to expect the expected.