Me: Can we talk?
God: What's up?
Me: I'm really, really nervous about Sunday.
God: I know.
Me: I don't know what to hope for. If I get the money and can go, I mean that would be a really, really cool story to tell others about Your faithfulness and how You came through. And I would get to go to Transit and work on opening my heart and learning more about You and living a lifestyle of prayer and being vulnerable with a community that doesn't have any pre-conceived notions about me. And there's the fact that it's in England.
God: You aren't really excited about that yet, are you?
Me: Not really. It actually brings a little anxiousness when I think about it. The currency change, the culture shock, being away from my friends and church family. I haven't even left yet, or even know if I'm going, and I'm homesick already.
God: I know what that feels like. I left behind my best friends of three years right when things started to get interesting.
Me: Sucks, doesn't it.
God: (smiles)
Me: But, if the money doesn't come in, I know that You will do all the same things (or different if that's what You want and I need), just with people I know and love already in a place I wouldn't mind staying. I know so much is going to happen that I'm really looking forward to. Getting an apartment, finishing school, working, hanging out more with my life group and allowing myself to be vulnerable with them and maybe actually deal with my loneliness in life group or one on one. But...
God: What are you thinking?
Me: Well, it sort of seems like if I stayed here, I'd just be settling for the good. All the things I listed off sounds exactly like my plans last January before I found out about England. I was settled with it, comfortable with my decision to finish school and go on to Biblical counseling, and work in a psych natured job to get an apartment and live like an adult. England came into the picture and it showed me that the career decision isn't as exciting as I wanted. I want the adventure of going off to new places and doing radical things for and with You. I would love to travel, see the world, have an adventure.
God: Wild woman, that you are!!
Me: I know, and I like it. But what if the adventure You have planned for me is to settle down, finish school, work, and get married (although that last one I wouldn't mind happening sooner than later).
God: Have patience.
Me: (sigh) I know.
God: It's true, the adventure I call many people to live is the one living a normal, daily life in an extrordinary, eternal way.
Me: Doesn't sound very exciting.
God: You read too many books sometimes.
Me: Yeah, I know. But it's my heart telling me that there must be more than settling down in a career and family. My heart is what is yearning for more. My head could care less, and probably prefers staying behind.
God: Yes, I put that longing for wild adventure in you, my Princess. It is a good thing, a Best thing, and something you must trust Me to fulfill. I know exactly what will fill that longing. Will you trust Me to work everything out for the Best?
Me: I know that if I tried to fill that longing on my own, it would come up short.
God: And I came so that you may have life, and have it to the full.
Me: I will trust You, Abba. I haven't even the foggiest idea of how to step out and look for adventure on my own.
God: (smiles) And that's why I had someone else tell you to go to England, wild girl.
Me: Yeah. I'm a rebel at heart. Give me the road less traveled. Or maybe I just can't stand the thought of missing out on the Best.
God: I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out--plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I'll listen. When you come looking for me, you'll find me. Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I'll make sure you won't be disappointed.
Me: Thank You, Abba. But that still doesn't solve the problem of Sun..
God: Trust Me, Sara Beth! Let me have the worry.
Me: (sigh). I trust You, Lord. For You are faithful to all Your promises, and loving towards all You have made. I know that You will do what is Best for me.
God: I love you, dear heart!
Me: (smiles) I think I almost know that You do. Thank You for being so patient with me.
God: Anytime, seriously.