It's amazing how much God has blessed me with community. Four months ago I was lonely, unknown, and hating myself. Today, I have a family; non-traditional, but it's my family none the less. "God sets the lonely in families," Ps. 68:6. People know me and my struggles and want to fight for me and love on me despite them all. I know others' hearts and struggles and find myself not caring about my own but just want to make their struggles less of a burden. I have phone numbers in my cell that are people (my age!!) I actually want to call to hang out with, not just people who randomly call me to need something from me (like a ride to church or a babysitter). They're people I can call when I need to talk, when I need a reminder of God's truth, when I need a ride. They're people who can talk to me when they need a friend and a reminder of who they are in God's eyes and mine, and they're people I would love giving a ride to (cause it might actually be fun conversation on the way!).

This is why I need to go to England. Because of my family. Even though I just found them, just began to become really real with them. They need me, all of me. My personality, my love, my quirks, my heart, and my gifts: I am a passionate lover of God, I am passionate about prayer (although I think I need to come up with another name for it, because "chatting with God" is a little too long to describe what I really think prayer is), and God has given me the gift of discernment and the wisdom needed to bind up the broken hearts I "see" around me. I don't know the full extent of all these yet, but I know that God wants to teach me so much about being me this next year at Transit. I need to go away to find myself, so that I can be myself, be comfortable living from my whole heart. So even though I litterally don't have a dime to pay for this trip, I will not freak out, because this is something that God wants me to do, and that my community needs me to do. I leave so that I can grow in the gifts God has given me, so that when I come back I can impart them to my church, my community, my family. The money and the plane tickets are minor details, and my God can do anything. even get me the laptop I'm hoping someone will donate so that I can keep in constant contact with my family when I'm gone. and absence makes the heart grow fonder, at least for the person who leaves, but I've always wondered if those left behind just eventually forget and/or replace. I don't want to forget Andrew and Shayna, don't want to miss their place on the Bailey's porch. Will I be forgotten in a few months?