I'm 22 today. Don't all birthday posts start like that? I guess there's so much said in that one sentence that it's simply enough. 22 years. A miracle for some. A tough journey, an amazing story, a life-long testimony of God's grace and glory. I've come a long way in such a short amount of time. It's all God though. With a smattering of my free will mixed in, I guess.
Today is a bit mellow, though. Maybe even melencholy. My housemates surprised me with presents (even though it was all food items...love them tons!). But I'm missing home. I honestly feel like there's no one here who knows me enough to know what I would love to do for my birthday, and I don't know how to tell them I would rather just spend it alone. What is the deal with birthdays that people automatically assume that something special must be done on them, like having a party, or going out and doing something fun with everyone you know? I would like to spend time with my housemates today (might even go clubbing..wild woman that I am). But a big part of me would also love to spend today with my "family" at church, and because they're not here (or I'm not there), I'd just rather spend the day alone with my thoughts. Honestly, the day so far hasn't been that great. Got a letter in the mail from my parents, but it was only stuff from my student loan agency telling me I have to start paying off my loans next month. Not something I want to deal with on my birthday. Although I did get an email from my mom saying I have more money in the bank than I thought I did. Wonderful birthday conversation. I feel loved. (the absence of any emotion in these last two sentences should be noted, as well as a hint of sarcasm). So I'm not going to deal with any parent stuff at all today. Thankfully, they don't have my number (or the right one to call), and even if they did I wouldn't have to answer it.
But I do hope that my church family calls. I'll talk with the kids tonight (they're having a party, they just don't know it's for me. jk, rather cheeky of me), and I'll try calling my grandparents. But what I would adore is if my "family" called here. I love my housemates, but they don't really know me all that well yet, and so wouldn't know how to bless me in the way that I feel most loved. Not that my "family" does either, but they know me better and are closer to me than these guys here are yet. But that will change. Please, Lord, let it change.
Today is a bit mellow, though. Maybe even melencholy. My housemates surprised me with presents (even though it was all food items...love them tons!). But I'm missing home. I honestly feel like there's no one here who knows me enough to know what I would love to do for my birthday, and I don't know how to tell them I would rather just spend it alone. What is the deal with birthdays that people automatically assume that something special must be done on them, like having a party, or going out and doing something fun with everyone you know? I would like to spend time with my housemates today (might even go clubbing..wild woman that I am). But a big part of me would also love to spend today with my "family" at church, and because they're not here (or I'm not there), I'd just rather spend the day alone with my thoughts. Honestly, the day so far hasn't been that great. Got a letter in the mail from my parents, but it was only stuff from my student loan agency telling me I have to start paying off my loans next month. Not something I want to deal with on my birthday. Although I did get an email from my mom saying I have more money in the bank than I thought I did. Wonderful birthday conversation. I feel loved. (the absence of any emotion in these last two sentences should be noted, as well as a hint of sarcasm). So I'm not going to deal with any parent stuff at all today. Thankfully, they don't have my number (or the right one to call), and even if they did I wouldn't have to answer it.
But I do hope that my church family calls. I'll talk with the kids tonight (they're having a party, they just don't know it's for me. jk, rather cheeky of me), and I'll try calling my grandparents. But what I would adore is if my "family" called here. I love my housemates, but they don't really know me all that well yet, and so wouldn't know how to bless me in the way that I feel most loved. Not that my "family" does either, but they know me better and are closer to me than these guys here are yet. But that will change. Please, Lord, let it change.
posted by Anonymous | 1:54 pm
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