There is a question that is in the back of every woman's mind. It haunts us, a nagging drive towards knowing that plagues us from birth. It shows itself in our actions, our words, and our deeds, even if we can't recognize it or pen it to words. It's the question we were born to live out, the question that sin has made us forget.

Am I beautiful?

Not just by the look of my face, the form of my figure, or the way I wear my hair and clothes. Do I exemplify beauty in all that I say, do, and live out every moment? Can you look at me and honestly say that there is something there that makes you feel at peace, the way a beautiful sunrise or a mighty mountain can? Could a blind man see my beauty?

And why do I feel a sense of shame that I even have to ask? Why can't it be enough to just believe that Jesus finds me beautiful? "Listen, O daughter, consider and give ear: Forget your people and your father's house. The King is enthralled by [my] beauty; honor Him, for He is [my] Lord.." Ps. 45:11. Why do I need to audibly hear it, to physically feel a hug, to see the truth in the eyes of the one telling me I'm beautiful? Maybe it's because I've so rarely heard it, it's hard to believe it's true. You can't imagine something when there is nothing pre-existing to construe it from. Why Abba? Why has no one told me what I most long to and need to hear? Why can't I hear it from You, Jesus?

Pursued

It's an all consuming chase,
The passionate pursuit of one so enraptured
It captivates his every thought.
Heedless of the obstacles in his way
He tirelessly presses on,
Mindful only of that which consumes his heart.
Distance does not matter, nor does the
Seeming inevitability that his passion
Will never be returned with equal fervor.
Still he pursues.
And then-a glimpse, a glimer of
Visible hope:
That which he longs for with
Unbridled passion
Has heard, through the clamour of
Doubt and deceit,
The song of his death-defying love.

And I realize
He is passionately pursuing...me.


I wrote this almost a year and a half ago, before I believed any of it. It's just now starting to sink in that Jesus loves me like that.